Lily Evan's Secret
by xxhalf-bloodprincezzxx
Summary: LJ Lily is told to do everything she does and she doesn't realize that this isn't what she wants.
1. Sorting Thoughts

**Disclaimer: I own all of Harry Potter, made warnerbros, and am horribly rich.**

**I wish.**

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short, but it doesn't fit to add anything else. Future chapters will be longer. (LJ) Lily's and Marauder's POV switch off.  
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Chapter 1: Sorting Thoughts.

When a casual observer looked at Lily Evans, they would not see anyone of particular interest. A Gryffindor by the look of her badge, a nerd by the look of her clothes. And, not to be rude, she wasn't the prettiest girl. Her freckles running up and down her nose made a clown of her, and the way she pulled up her beautiful hair into a rather long ponytail did not help. Her hair, which might have been her only true beauty, was hidden away by none other than herself.

If the more keen observer looked farther, they might have noticed how she shuffled her feet when she walked, or how she never looked people straight in the eye, except for a special few. The keen observer, if looking closer, would also have noticed the hand bag almost overflowing with books, and the attempt at a flirty smile she always gave when looking at a certain Severus Snape.

An expert at observing, over a few weeks, just might have noticed the hopeful flare in her eyes every time she looked at Slytherin boys walking past, the way she forced that flirty laugh to come when she saw Severus, and the way that whenever James Potter and his friends appeared anywhere near her, she would have to tighten all her muscles to avoid smiling, or doing the usual twirl with her bright red hair.

But Lily Evans, whatever everyone might think, was not a nerd. She wasn't even all that smart. She hadn't ended up in Ravenclaw, had she? She did not get all her Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Levels just by being a wit. For Lily Evans, the shy girl, the quiet one, the one who no one really knew, who no one really cared about, had a secret. More than one secret really; more like a bag of secrets. All stuffed up in her head, and nobody knew, nobody gave a care in the world.

Lily _who? _

So everyone was up in the common room, chatting about the excellent win for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, _again. _Who really gave a care what everyone else was doing? Lily was perfectly content to sit there, her long hair, for once waving with the wind and not attached for added ugliness. Her face facing the grass growing lazily by the pond, and her beautiful blue eyes watching as the giant squid swam back and fourth across it.

She had a few pieces of drawing paper in front of her, but each of them had nothing on it. Well, it looked like they had once. Through the massive scribbles all over the pages, you could see a few shaded parts of beautiful sketches. One had something to do with Lily herself, and someone else who looked remarkably like a certain James Potter. Another was a horribly funny but mean one of Snape in grandmother's clothing. But now, through the scratches and scribbles and tears, you could hardly see what they had once been.

It didn't matter anyway. Lily couldn't for the life of her imagine when Snape, in any appearance or form, would appear in Grandmother's clothing. Especially because of the big red hand bag she had given him.

And the other picture…_STOP IT! _The thought sizzled across her brain. She had to stop. This wasn't healthy, she had to, had to, _had to_ stop. Snape was her destiny. he was of a good family. He was smart and witty. He was in Slytherin. She deserved nothing better. Lily really, really tried to think that way. I mean, she really, _really_ tried. But as Dumbledore would say: Alas! She couldn't. And it was hopeless trying. Lily, for the millionth time in her life, frowned at a recollection of a memory she had revived once and once again.

"_Evans, Lily." Professor McGonagall shouted, __looking straight at her, with something strangely like excitement in her eyes. Lily trembled all over, and took a few quick but bold steps to the hat, sat on the stool, and quickly, without bothering a look at the murmuring crowd, slipped the hat over her eyes. _

Lily. I've been expecting you._ Lily said nothing. She merely searched inside the hat to find something a little more interesting than what it had just said. Wow. Thousands of thoughts, ideas, firm beliefs…were _had _Dumbledore gotten this hat? _Poking through me, are you?_ Said the hat abruptly, making Lily jump. _Full of wit, oh! And intelligence too. But..where to put you?

_Hardly listening, she continued her search. Suddenly, she saw something that made her tremble all over: The hat's thought's on HER. Oh. God. Breath…just breath…why did the word GRYFFINDOR keep appearing so much? Her hands begin to feel sweaty. Please, not Gryffindor, not Gryffindor, I was meant for Slytherin! Do you hear me you stupid hat, I was meant for Slyther_—in?_ The hat interrupted her thoughts slyly. _Do you really think so? I really prefer a Gryffindor mix for someone like you. Bravery, Loyalty._ SLYTHERIN! PlEASE! _But you do not want Slytherin, my dear. It is not what you truly want. You want Gryffindor.

_Her mind spinned. She had never once thought she wanted Gryffindor. Where did the hat get it's information? She searched deeper into it's mind, finding memories of judging older students, but before she could reach her mother_…Yes, I really do think that's the proper choice, don't you? I usually let students choose, but in this case, I really am afraid I must choose for you. GRYFFINDOR!!! _The hat shouted out happily, as if nothing of importance had happened. _

_Dreadingly, sweating all over, a stench of unhappiness covering her face, she slowly took off the hat. Somehow, as she laid it on the table, her pinky still connected with its mind, it whispered at her: _It is the right choice, you know. One day, you will agree with me._ She trudged off to the Gryffindor table, and as she came closer, hearing the clapping, she realized what she must do. _

_Smiling with the rest of them, looking cheerful after all, she sat down and began to eat, and by the end of the meal, she really looked as delighted by everything as the rest of them. And thus, her life with a mask had begun. _

Hours later, Lily was still, as always, sitting against a tree, and doodling on her papers. Now that she really thought about it, it all had started with the sorting. First, she had been full to bursting with questions, but now, she only had one. _Why? _Why Gryffindor? How could the hat be so evil as to place her in GRYFFINDOR? Didn't it **know **how miserable her life had been because of that? Okay, maybe a _little _more than one question. But that wasn't the point. The point was that everything she had ever known or thought or felt, everything, was turned upside down the moment that stupid hat had shouted Gryffindor.

Lily sighed, and slowly began to roll her papers together, tying them with her hair band she had carefully untangled from her hair. She shook her head, and as her hair got loose and flowed behind her shoulders, Lily sighed a deep, mournful sigh. What _was_ the point? There was nothing she could do about anything now. Everything depended on someone else. Which was fine. No, it wasn't fine, but Lily, for once, didn't feel like fighting. She slowly stepped out of the grass, and went inside the castle.

_Will you, Severus Snape, take Lily Evans as_ _your wife?_

_"Yes. I will."_

_And will you, Lily Evans, take Severus Snape as your husband?_

_Lily looked at Severus, his eyes shining with love. But where her eyes shining back? She didn't know. She didn't _feel _anything. Should she? Should she feel for this man who she was going to marry? But what if...what if someone else...? Her imagination let James Potter take the place were Severus was._

_"Yes! Yes I do!" She jumped a little, turning to see James...Severus smiled, leaning in for their kiss..._

**"No!" **Lily sat up in bed, shaking with nerves. Just a dream..a dream...not real. She shivered, pulling the blanket from burying herself in it. Why was her heart pumping so fast? Why did she feel her hands and arms shake under the blankets? It hadn't even been a nightmare. It hadn't even been a proper wedding ceremony. But then, for a second time, she envisioned in her mind Severus leaning in for the kiss...oh god. Oh God. She couldn't. She couldn't imagine even kissing him. Two tears trailed down her cheeks. Just a dream...just a dream. But if that was just a dream...how would she cope with it once it happened in real life?

Lily Evans was one determined person. When she needed something, she would get it. Or, as in this case, when she thought she needed something. Lily Evans did not need Severus Snape. But Lily Evans was going to get him.

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**A/N: Please R&R! **


	2. Snape Victorious?

**A/N: OMG this is embarrassing I'm so sorry. Lily's eyes are green, I know, but my friend was messing with my documents so she probably changed it. Won't happen again!**

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Chapter 2: Snape Victorious?

"Psst."

"What?"

"It's Snivellus."

"SNIVELLUS!"

"Peter, shut up!"

"What's he doing?"

"He seems to be talking to someone."

"Remus…Please?"

"…"

"Pwetty Pwease Moony?"

"…"

"Can we atleast get a closer look?"

"I agree with whatever James says."

"Yesh! Let's go!"

"Can I take back what I said?"

"We got Moony! We got Moony!"

"…"

"Wormtail, you stay here as a look out. I'll keep a watch on these two."

"But…."

"You know those socks you got for Christmas? The 'special' ones?"

"Prongs, don't threaten him."

"Don't interrupt Moony, and I might actually listen to you. Now, I can do that again with those purple socks you love so--"

"OKAY! Okay, I'll stay."

Pettigrew trembled from head to foot, watching from the frozen Weeping Willow as Moony, Padfoot and Prongs approached Snape cautiously.

"Prongs, what exactly are you going to do once you see who Severus is talking to?"

"Snivellus, Moony.

"…"

"You know you want to!"

"Fine. What exactly are you going to do once you see who _Snivellus_ is talking to?"

"Well, Padfoot here…" Began James, slapping Sirius on the shoulder, "has this special little potion that you just pour over someone's head…" Sirius turned around and grinned as Remus rolled his eyes.

"Nothing to worry about Moony. It doesn't really do anything. "

"Right."

"Except for the side effects?"

"Padfoot and Moony, I know you love each other, but could we please keep it down seeing as we..." James was in front of Sirius and Remus. Therefore, James was the closest to Snape. So, under the circumstances, James was the one who first saw who Snape was talking to, and he couldn't take it in. Not…not…Lily?

He couldn't breathe. Couldn't speak. He had never seen anything between Snivellus and Evans. Nothing. Zero. He had never suspected…had never guessed that would come about. But they were so close…he closed his eyes, looking away. He couldn't restrain himself.

He wanted to hit something, smash something into millions of pieces…He couldn't control…his foot smashed down so hard on the ground that both Severus and Lily turned and looked at him in surprise. His eyes still closed…he glided across the grass, not seeing…not caring…

It was a mark of how strong a friendship James and Sirius had that Sirius guided him with a straight face up to the castle, looking sternly at Remus and Peter to make their mouths stay shut as they followed silently. Sirius watched James get into bed, punching his pillow over and over.

Stupid Lily. Why couldn't she realize how much James loved her? How much he cared? Sirius watched Lily a lot. He was the professional observer mentioned in the first chapter. He knew that Lily felt something for James. So why couldn't she just let it flow? Why did she have to ruin _everything_ by going against what she felt?

He punched his own pillow. His best friend had been getting moodier and moodier ever since he had stepped off the train. It was all because of Lily. All because of her blindness to see the love that was right in front of her. But this wasn't the only thing. Sirius could see James changing tremendously. What if by the time Lily realized, James had forgotten? Lily was making James a different James, not the Prongs he knew. And Sirius couldn't deal with that.

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"See you around, then." Lily said sweetly to Severus, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Snape blushed.

"S..see…see you around t..two." She left him standing there, muttering to himself, disgusted by her very small progress. She quickly walked across the hall, thinking about what else she could do…

"Aaahmmmf!" Adrenaline was pumped into her in one second, her whole body a drum of fear. A large hand was covering her mouth, and the other was dragging her somewhere…she couldn't see…couldn't feel…couldn't think…

She heard a door click and she got another pound of fear and surprise as she was pushed into a chair. Suddenly, the hand let go of her face.

"Sirius!" She gasped inwardly, utterly surprised that it was Sirius who had…kidnapped her?

"Yes." He said, looking at her, with an unusual frown on his face. Usually he was smiling, his eyes glinting with mischief and strutting around proudly because of another scheme the Marauders had come up with. But now…what was wrong with him? Aaah! Why was she thinking of this now? He had kidnapped her. Were had that come from? She felt her body shake all over, but this time, it was only partly fear. Anger entered her veins.

"What the hell do you want from me? What, you think you can just kidnap me and set me in a chair and expect me to be silent?" Sirius stared at her sadly. Though she tried, she found she could not get the next words out of her mouth. Would he stop _staring _at her like that?

"I expect you to listen to what I have to say. And, unless you want a rather nasty potion poured over your head, you _will_ listen."

Lily Evans did not want to nod. She wanted to do anything _but _nod. But Lily Evans nodded quite quickly when he said this, and with many other things she did, she did not understand why she had nodded.

Sirius Black looked straight into her eyes. "You are so stupid. You don't even realize that you're ruining 6 people's lives. People that matter, well at least 5 of them do."

Lily gaped. Afraid to interrupt, she whispered quietly,

"What do you mean? I haven't ruined anyone's life. Ever." She said, starting to get defensive.

"Yeah, right. You want me to tell you whose lives you've ruined? Number one, James Potter. You don't know how much he loves you do you? He cares so much. You just don't get it. He has helped you in secret so many times…and then, what do you do?" His voice started to get higher, angrier.

"You break his heart! Without even thinking what you're doing. You're so pathetic Lily Evans! You think he's not good enough for you? Well he's the best you're going to get! Maybe you don't deserve _him!_ What did he do to you? Why don't you just give him a chance? He would write your name all over his shoes if Remus would let him. That's another three. Remus, Me, and Peter. You think we haven't been affected by James? He's been acting strangely since school started, and it's rather obvious it's because of you! When he saw you and Snivellus...that was wrong, Lily, just wrong. You have to have noticed how much James cares. He'd spiral into depression if we weren't at his side. He's just not the same old James he was before, and our group is falling apart."

Lily's eyes were wide with horror and surprise, but Sirius avoided looking into them, and continued. "Why are you hanging out with Snivellus huh? I'm not saying I don't hate him, but you're ruining his life too! He thinks he's your boyfriend or something, by the way he struts around the school now, and blushes at the mention of your name.

You've bewitched him, and though you may not realize it, you've bewitched yourself too! You don't know what's good for you. You think Snivellus is the one, were did that come from? You're going to ruin your life by going off with someone you don't even care about. You just don't get it, do you?" Sirius finally looked straight at her, seething with rage.

"I'm telling James to get over you. You don't deserve him. If you don't do something soon, you're done, Evans." And as quickly as possible, he pushed open the door of the empty classroom, and walked out.


End file.
